토요일.
일 처리할 게 있어서 회사에 잠깐 다녀왔다.
그리고 집에 오는 길.
실로 놀라운 광경을 목격했다.
시디인 내 가슴을 무척 설레게 했던 그 장면.
로리타 드레스를 입은 어느 여성을 길거리에서 보았다.
길에서 이런 모습은 흔치 않은데…
아니 거의 없는데…
그것도 내가 사는 지역(중소도시)에서…
눈을 부릅뜨지 않을 수 없었다.
나는 크로스드레서,
크로스드레서는 이성의 옷을 입고 이를 즐기는 사람을 말한다.
그러나 크로스드레서의 대부분은 남자다.
이유는? 모르겠다.
여자가 남자 옷을 입으면 아무런 반감이 없지만, 남자가 여자 옷을 입으면 변태 취급을 받기에 그러지 않나 싶다.
인간은 원래, 하고 싶은 걸 못하게 하면 더 하고 싶은 마음이 생기니까…
여자가 남자 옷을 입는 걸 굳이 크로스드레서라고 하지는 않는다.
그냥 보이쉬한 옷을 입었구나 라고 생각한다.
그러나 남자가 여자 옷을 입는 경우는 매우 드물기에 이를 따로 크로스드레서라 부르지 않나 싶다.
아무튼 크로스드레서의 의미는 그렇다.
크로스드레서마다 선호하는 옷 종류가 다른데 내가 가장 좋아하는 옷은 미니스커트이고 그보다 더 좋아하는 옷이 바로 이 로리타 드레스다.
크로스드레서 대부분이 지극히 여성적인 옷을 좋아하는데, 이 로리타 드레스는 그야말로 여성미의 총아라고 볼 수 있겠다.
공주풍의 디자인하며, 화려한 레이스와 리본 장식이 크로스드레서인 내 마음을 사정없이 빼앗아간다.
나는 32세 남자다.
결혼한 지 이제 2년이 되었고 아직 애는 없다.
결혼 전 크로스드레서였으며 그 사실을 아내에게 숨기고 결혼했다.
크로스드레서 성향은 결혼 후에도 사라지지 않았으며 아내 몰래 비밀장소에 숨겨둔 여장 용품으로 여장을 즐기곤 했다.
오전에 회사에 있는데 아내가 마침 친구를 만나러 간다고 전화를 하였고 저녁 늦게나 들어온다고 했다.
그리고 마침 집에 오는 길에 저 로리타 드레스 입은 아가씨를 본 것이다.
나는 그녀에게 이끌려 집으로 가는 방향과 반대 방향으로 그녀의 뒤를 쫒아갔다.
가면서 그녀의 얼굴과 옷 입은 모습, 몸매 등을 유심히 살펴보았다.
그저 보는 것만으로도 흥분됐다.
그녀를 거의 30분 동안이나 쫒아갔고 그녀가 어느 아파트 안으로 들어가고 난 후에야 나는 겨우 발길을 돌릴 수 있었다.
혹시 그녀도 나처럼 크로스드레서가 아닌가 해서 얼굴을 확인해 보았으나 남자는 아니었다.
얼굴과 몸매, 모두 진짜 여자였다.
집에 오자마자 나는 조금 전의 흥분을 감추지 못하고 여장이 하고 싶어졌다.
나에게도 그 여자가 입었던 것과 비슷한 로리타 드레스 의상이 하나 있다.
내가 가진 여자 옷 중 가장 비싸고 가장 화려하고, 입었을 때 최고의 만족감을 주는 옷이다.
예전엔 그런 의상을 구매하려면 수 십 만원을 줬어야 했는데, 요즘엔 알리익스프레스에서 중국산 로리타 드레스를 비교적 저렴한 가격에 구매할 수 있다.
살펴보니 대부분의 시디들이 알리에서 코스프레 의상을 구매하고 있었다.
나 역시 알리에서 구매한 로리타 드레스가 아내 모르는 비밀장소에 숨겨져 있다.
집에 오자마자 샤워를 하고 예쁘게 화장하고 로리타 드레스를 입었다.
아…여자 옷이 몸에 닿는 이 느낌.
너무나 좋았다.
수많은 레이스 장식, 예쁜 단추, 리본은 도대체 몇 개가 달려있는지 모를만큼 많다.
게다가 각종 꽃장식들…
너무나 화려하고 예쁘다.
옷이 아니라 꽃 그 자체다.
대체 이런 옷은 누가 만드는 것일까?
그는 천재다.
나는 이 옷을 입을 땐 팬티를 입지 않는다.
이런 종류의 옷을 입게 되면 흥분에 못 이겨 그것이 발기되고 발기된 그것이 치마의 안감에 닿을 때의 느낌이 너무나 좋기 때문이다.
그 상태로 거울을 보며, 마치 내가 공주인 양 착각하며 여장을 즐겼다.
말도 여자처럼 했다.
거울을 보며, 여자 목소리를 흉내내어…
“너 진짜 예뻐!. 너 진짜 여자 같아.” 라고 거울 속 나에게 말했다.
아내가 이런 내 모습을 본다면 아마 기절초풍하겠지만,
나는 지금 이런 내 모습이 너무나 예쁘고 사랑스럽다.
크로스드레서인 내가 너무나 좋다.
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