[여장일기 2] 여동생의 손을 끌어와

어릴 적…
몇 살인지는 기억나지 않는다.
아마 초등학교 저학년 때였을 것이다.
여동생과 나,
방학에는 별로 할 일이 없었고,
그래서 둘이 자주 소꿉놀이를 했으며,
가끔은 신랑 각시놀이도 했다.
그렇게 놀다 나란히 잠들곤 했는데…
그때 나는 성에 좀 일찍 눈이 뜨여서 그런지
어느 때부턴가,
여동생이 옆에 누워 있다는 이유만으로,
쉽게 잠을 이루지 못했다.
급기야 어느 날부터 내 그것을 만지작거리며 자곤 했는데…
그때 왜 내가 그런 행동을 했는지 모르겠다.
자고 있던 동생의 손을 끌어와 내 팬티 안에 넣었다.
그리고 내 부푼 그것을 잡게 하고 위 아래로 흔들게 했다.
지금도 그때의 일을 생각하면 수치스럽다.
혹시 그때의 일을 동생이 기억하고 있지 않을까 싶어,
지금도 동생의 얼굴을 볼 때마다 시선을 피하곤 한다.
철없을 때의 내 행동이 평생을 괴롭게 한다.
내가 시디가 된 것도 성에 너무 일찍 눈을 떠서이지 싶다.
지금도 내 머릿속은 온통,
여장과 성욕으로만 채워져 있다.

11 Comments

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